Learning To Say “No”
At the start of the year I had all the best intentions. I was adamant that this year was going to be different.
But I should have known better…. or perhaps I should have known myself better.
I have that all too common ability. That ability to not understand the word “no” and SAY it.
I mean I say it all the time around here to the kids!
“No, I won’t give you $50 to go shopping with your friends”.
“No, you can’t go to that party that was advertised publicly on Facebook”
“No, I’m not hosting a party for 50 of your “closest” friends…for no reason”
“No you can’t wear your skirt up around your backside”…….
You get my point….
The word “no” makes up a very large portion of my vocabulary on any given day. A word I find so easy to say to my kids, about every day life, you would think I would find it easy to say to others….. not so much.
So this year finds me being to the “go to ” Mum for taxi service duties. So much so that now I think it is just expected that I spend half my time ferrying around other peoples kids here there and everywhere.
I have been very proud of myself lately. I’m more than happy to do the drop off chauffeuring, if another parent is prepared to do the pick up.
No longer should I be expected to do both, especially if this involves a late night pick up on the weekend. I think this has come as a bit of a shock to some, who have come to depend on me to be their daughters chauffeur service.
I have cut back on my school volunteering as I had intended. However somehow I seem to have replaced this by becoming more involved with our Netball club.
Don’t get me wrong, I love netball, I love watching my girls play, but in this year…in the year of ME I now find myself coaching Miss G’s under 8’s team and managing Miss T and Miss M’s teams…..phew…it’s going to be a busy season.
So why can’t I just say no?
Why do I feel guilty and obligated to say yes when I’m asked to offer my services?
Is this a personality trait of mine? Is it something that is pre-determined in my genetic makeup?
Apparently this is indeed indicative of the sort of person you are.
A person who has trouble saying “no” is often exhibits the following traits:
- Empathetic to the feelings of others
- They are polite and often don’t want to ‘rock the boat’
- They tend to want to do everything themselves and are unable to delegate.
- You don’t want others to think badly of you.
- You have an underlying need to please others around you.
- You feel a sense of extreme guilt on the rare occasion if you do happen to say “no”
If some of these signs sound familiar to you, then you know how I am feeling.
“Grow a spine”, I hear some of you say…. and yes to a certain degree I have started to do just that.
No longer am I going to be the “go to ” parent.
No longer are my girls just going to assume that “Mum will do it”.
No longer am going to let the guilt trips of others influence my decisions anymore…. NO LONGER…….