Knowing When To Let Go…..
You know that feeling you get? That anxious stomach twisting, knot tying all consuming feeling when something in your life just feels out of your control and you can’t do a damn thing about it?
That’s the way I felt this week as Miss 17 prepared to embark on her first solo, overseas trip to celebrate the end of her schooling.
Then on Sunday morning the 4am alarm went off.
Setting it the night before was a complete waste of time ,considering that I didn’t even need it. Alarms are generally needed to wake those that are asleep……
She was so excited, I was so anxious. I didn’t let on to how I was feeling.
On the outside I was bubbling with enthusiasm for her, on the inside however it was a very different story.
Mr B reassured me countless times that she would be fine, that she has a sensible head on her shoulders and that she will have the time of her life.
Realistically I know that this is true.
But the nurturer in me is struggling with the fact, that my oldest baby just doesn’t need me like she used to and that perhaps it is time for me to let go. I thought her getting her drivers license was hard enough!
She has worked so hard at school, especially over the last 2 years and really deserves this break before she decides what to do with her life. A life that holds endless possibility and so much opportunity.
I understand that this adventure is all part of growing up. But that first cut definitely is the hardest, not for her, but for me.
I downloaded one of the flight tracker apps you can get, big mistake. I found myself pretty much following her most of her flight and the breath truly didn’t re-enter my body until she was safely on the ground.
As she promised she texted me once she landed and called me once she got to the resort. Babbling and excited about everything she had seen so far.
So as it turns out she is managing just fine without me, having the time of her life and celebrating an end to 13 years of school.
And maybe I am just slightly jealous that this is her view from her room at the present time ……
As a parent this would have to be one of the most challenging times I have encountered. It’s such a fine line to know when to hover, offer advice and guidance and when to take a step back and let them make the important decisions on their own. Knowing when to let go truly is one of the hardest decisions that you have to make.
I remember this time in my life. The world was at my feet, I was young with no ties and no responsibilities…ahhh those were the days.
Hopefully she will appreciate this time. Enjoy for the moment being footloose and fancy free. There is plenty of time left for “serious” later.
In the meantime I have to look after a King Charles Cavalier who is fretting at the absence of his “Mum”. He sits staring wistfully out the window, just hoping upon hope that she is coming home soon.