I Hate You
“I Hate You”…….
3 of the most feared words you could ever hear from your child….
No doubt you have already heard these words fly out of her mouth at least once or twice, especially now she had hit that hormone induced haze, that is the teenage girl.
“Hate” is a really strong word and it has many dictionary meanings.
|“loathe, detest, dislike greatly, abhor, abominate, despise, execrate, feel aversion towards, feel revulsion towards, feel hostile towards, be repelled by, be revolted by, regard with disgust, not be able to bear/stand, be unable to stomach, find intolerable, shudder at, recoil from, shrink from”|
Don’t worry, I highly doubt your daughter is feeling all these emotions towards you, well not all at once anyway.
Yes she probably doesn’t like you very much at the moment, or your decision that prompted her to scream those 3 little words at you. But she doesn’t hate you.
Hate and love are a closely intertwined emotion. It is extremely hard to “hate” someone in our lives that we also feel intense love for.
Often these two emotions engage in a battle against each other to the death and ultimately “love” always wins, for I believe it is a much stronger emotion than “hate”.
“Love” is by far a more intense and all consuming feeling.
Nothing in life prepares you for that love you feel for your child once they are placed in your arms for that very first time.
This gorgeous little pink bundle with the cutest little lips, button nose and downy hair, who will one day grow up and turn into that freakish, teenage monster, who is now screaming cringeworthy words at you, which have the ability to bring you to your knees and tears to your eyes.
I’ve been told that teenagers have all these uncontrollable hormones just coursing through their bodies with amazing force and this apparently makes them virtually unrecognisable to those closest to them and could also explain why some species eat their young!
With a teenager you find yourself caught. You find yourself still trying to parent your child and have them follow all your rules and routines that make your home run harmoniously. On the other hand they are discovering their new found independence and wanting to gain more of it now that they have had a taste.
You constantly feel like you are a in a permanent tug of war. You want them to explore the world around them, they need to to grow and mature, but letting go is just so hard. So the more they pull, the more you pull….until something snaps.
They are discovering who they are and with that comes the experimentation with clothes and makeup and hence why you find yourself saying, “go and change” and “wash your face”. This is also why hair dye has stained your white bathroom counter.
This is also why you are met with the classic eye roll when you ask who they are going out with and what time they will be home?
“Sighs” also accompany this request when you also ask them to text you a few times so that you know they are ok.
Please however don’t despair, I find that while all these actions are typical of a 13-15 year old, by the time they are 16 and approaching 17 it has settled down somewhat…. Most of the time.
They have matured along with their emotions and are now able to think rationally and clearly. You are not so much public enemy no 1, maybe a thorn in their side every now and again, but that’s something you and they can live with.
They understand that sometimes, yes, parents are definitely right, however you will NEVER NEVER hear them admit it….EVER.
Their dress sense improves to the point whereby you don’t grit your teeth when complimenting her on how nice she looks, while putting on a fake smile and muttering an “Oh my God”.
She no longer looks like a creature from the Black Lagoon or a wannabe “Emo” with her style of makeup choice and you can clearly see that all those YouTube tutorials are now definitely paying off.
She is also now willing to listen your opinion. She may still not agree with your rules, but she can now better understand why you have them and why they are necessary.
So welcome to the teenage years. You have a few rocky years ahead. Be rest assured that the storm will pass and eventually you will have calm seas.
And hopefully you will no longer hear those dreaded 3 words….. “I hate you”……